now i feel weird because i can finally reserve 20 minutes for blogging (but not fb, sadly). well, that's because i've realized that it's somehow more important than any other things that i'm doing at the moment. maybe it's the effect of my ma who has just come back from her travelling to new zealand. should spend more time with her.

i was like a walking zombie while she was gone for 2-week travelling as i'd have to wake up early in the morning to feed the cats and clean their poops and stay awake to get ready for work after that no matter how late i slept last night or how tired i was after working my heart out during the day. add on to that, i'd have to do laundry for my brother and also cook him meals. thank god she's finally come back.

i've also realized that although i feel sucked, there will always other people who feel more miserable. not that i'm happy for knowing that there are other unfortunate people out there than i am. in fact it reminds me that i shouldn't give up although i feel goddamn exhausted. perhaps, i should try harder. and although i think i know what i'm doing, there will always people who are better at what they're doing or when they're doing what i'm doing. life is designed to be that way, it can't be all about going up without falling down.

well at least, i don't say i know what i'm doing although i have no idea of why i'm doing what i'm doing. and i don't go around and claim i know something that other people don't know about.

and i'm sweeping that chip off my shoulder.

i've found a quote in my new story book which is interesting and leads me to think what i'm thinking right now. it needs higher understanding (chuckle). don't say that i don't warn you though.

" ... it had taught Mel one of the central tenets of the working woman: look great and people notice you; look sloppy and they notice the sloppy part, whether it was smudged eyeliner, chipped nail polish or omigod, look at her roots!" (cathy kelly's always and forever, pg.7)

undeniably, true.

from my experience, the sloppy part is inaccuracy. i would say the higher level of inaccuracy, the more people would notice you. the best part is they'd start to speculate and you'd get the limelight (imagine paparazzi). the worst thing, they'd either start to forget the good things you've done and keep correcting and make you repeating their sentences like you're talking extinct language they hardly understand and wanting you to speak like they do (which is such a pain in the neck, really) or they'd start thinking they're cool (than you, unfortunately) at what they're doing which is partly disagreable (to you). or both can happen at the same time. and sometimes they would brashly highlight the mistake without thinking that their fragile mind could sometimes slip too. it's just that defaming people is not my cup of tea although i know i'm capable of doing it, but no thanks.

another similarity, mr. tiger woods. he's an outstanding golfer but that doesn't make him less human although people say he's the best golfer of all time, so far. but how many people in the world have had extramarital affairs with fallen women like he did? well, mr. sarkozy done it the best and got married with the hottest gal - carla bruni. sometimes people would forget that the person they admire is after all a human who does thing like we do, who doesn't has any exceptions, who can build a house with ample space for mistakes and getting back and forth in understanding why on earth would he do such silly mistakes and amid of that, learning not to repeat the mistakes twice. but people keep digging for the truth as his persistent silence has worsen the situation. and it's funny how the commentators say his silence would only feed innuendo machine. that's how desperate people want the truth to come out and make profit out of it. whether he decides to tell or not, they still gain profit.

from my experience, the fermentation is good. at least you'd know the true color of people, of who'll take advantage of the situation and who'll help clear the air. and i definitely could see it with clarity now.

and i hope mr. woods would eventually come to his senses and see that mrs. woods as the 80 percent type of woman who would genuinely devote her time to take care of his family and who would be able to be there during bad and good times. and also realize the other 20 percent type of woman who would only embrace him during good time and spill the beans of their secret love affair afterwards for a huge sum of money is never a good choice.

not updating this blog because i simply have nothing to say which is absolutely untrue. mixing up with older adults makes me feel (not grown up please!) worn out actually and i'm dead wrong to choose to be cool about it which is why it's killing me inside right now.

supposedly, it has to be a good exposure but not when they keep talking about intercourse and who's virgin and who's not by looking at the way they walk (i don't walk, i glide. yeah!) and by looking at their body shape like every time you turn your head to pay attention to what they say. well, it's not cool anymore. it's bollocks! intercourse is supposed to be a hush-hush thing, between you and your partner. really not interested whether you'd scream " oh yeah!" when you're ejaculating during intercourse. it's revolting. should you want to make pornographic story-telling just go to other than mainstream channel! i don't want to hear a dj playing a song of describing (in details) what and how you should do it. bugger! although mariah carey done it better with her touch my body song. at least her video is interesting.

and it gets more disturbing when they keep coming over to your desk and ask about work that's already in their job scope, in another word, they know that that lousy part of work comes together with the position that they have agreed with signature, to do the best they can to excel. now, where's the love? they get other people, subordinate to be exact to do that work for them. well, we the subordinate except willingly (because we've promised to perform and because we're so damn eager to learn and gain experience. woof!), but there's a price to pay. the problem is they want it to be done for free. a price to pay here means appreciation/acknowledgement/recognition not money! money can't buy that but it can actually win people's heart although at the end you'll lose them after some shopping exercises. so pls show some love.

how many of them would just enjoy the new moon without saying it's a cheap love story instead (they've watched it because they've to brought their children to the cinema, this is according to them)? zilch! i do watch twilight saga by the way, but not a die-hard fan like alia. hehe.. i told you i'd remember you, although i'm in jb working my ass out like some mad people in asylum who keeps singing songs like broken ipod. back to the story. fine, the film is not like what you read. so what. can you just enjoy the film? their prime audience is teenagers/young adults who believe in the existance of such love. can we just check into our fantasy room (of love between vampires, werewolves and humans) for a moment although it sometimes not as wonderful/realistic as you thought it would be? it's mucho importante because we've taken our lives too seriously in working days, in making tough decisions/choices. can we sometimes just lose it (not that much though), when it's at the right moment to get your head high in the clouds. so such comment is like hitting the off button instantly. it's like pressing the stress hormone even more impossible to handle. when it comes to this they take it literally. how dull.

back to new moon, don't ask me to choose between edward and jacob like who's the hottest, spiciest whatever! well, no wonder i've ended up with the current bf of mine as he's neither edward or jacob obviously. well i'm looking for a "practical bf" not for his looks actually. so poof, there you have it, says god, embrace him, he demands. thank you! ignore that, it's a complete different story. well if i were bella, i would be attracted to jacob for his manly body and edward for his slenderness-model look like in ck ad and would rather have both of them in my life. sneaky! hehe..